Tuesday, October 10, 2006
Sasquatch, Bigfoot, Yeti and the abominable Snowman
With miles and miles of forest and jungle dissappearing everyday, the chances are growing slimmer by the minute that we will ever find a bigfoot (in other words, we are slowly proving with each acre cut down that these creatures do not exist).
I am really sadened by this, because ever since I was a little kid, I had always hoped that I would find a big foot, train him up and shave him down, and tell everyone he was my big, stupid brother who would kick their faces in if they ever bullied me again.
You see, for geeks like me growing up, big foot was our only chance. I know you know what I'm talking about. How many times did you leave food out on your back porch, or wander through the woods with a stick of beef jerky held in front of you like some sort ofmagical talisman, calling or hooting out to the big hairy creatures that, for some reason or another, always failed to make an appearance?
Yeah, me too.
Now, many people who beleive in sasquatches think they are distant relatives of the human race. So here's my idea . . .
Let's take some human DNA and find the genes that conrtrol hieght, muscle, and hairiness and enhance those genes in a clone of someone who was already incredoubly stupid. We harvest about 50 of these clones and selectivly breed them for Sasquatch type traits until we have created a master race of Yetis that we can set free in the mountains, forests, and jungles around the world for future generations of nerds and geeks to try and capture, shave down, and claim to be big brothers.
Not to mention we could keep a few for ourselves . . .
I am really sadened by this, because ever since I was a little kid, I had always hoped that I would find a big foot, train him up and shave him down, and tell everyone he was my big, stupid brother who would kick their faces in if they ever bullied me again.
You see, for geeks like me growing up, big foot was our only chance. I know you know what I'm talking about. How many times did you leave food out on your back porch, or wander through the woods with a stick of beef jerky held in front of you like some sort ofmagical talisman, calling or hooting out to the big hairy creatures that, for some reason or another, always failed to make an appearance?
Yeah, me too.
Now, many people who beleive in sasquatches think they are distant relatives of the human race. So here's my idea . . .
Let's take some human DNA and find the genes that conrtrol hieght, muscle, and hairiness and enhance those genes in a clone of someone who was already incredoubly stupid. We harvest about 50 of these clones and selectivly breed them for Sasquatch type traits until we have created a master race of Yetis that we can set free in the mountains, forests, and jungles around the world for future generations of nerds and geeks to try and capture, shave down, and claim to be big brothers.
Not to mention we could keep a few for ourselves . . .
